The “secret” of success is not very hard to figure
out. The better you are at connecting with other
people, the better the quality of your life.
Making friends is not easy, there are these bothersome tasks of small talk, awkward silences and lack of eye contact. Rather than face this horror, most of us stick to our group of friends and simply avoid making new acquaintances unless it’s totally necessary. Yet, making new friends is incredibly beneficial. Not only will it expand your social circle, it will also help you develop your interpersonal skills. By continuously adding new people to your social sphere, you’ll develop stronger social skills and learn how to be more likable. And, while likability has a lot to do with the way you look, what’s really important is how people feel when they’re around you. Likable people are open, welcoming and friendly ,signalling self-confidence, sincerity and trust.
ABOUT THE BOOK How To Make People Like You In 90 seconds or less
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is the work of a master of Neuro-Linguistic Programming whose career is teaching corporations and groups the secrets of successful face-to-face communication. Aimed at establishing rapport-that stage between meeting and communicating-How to Make People Like You focuses on the concept of synchrony. It shows how to synchronize attitude, synchronize body language and synchronize voice tone so that you instantly and imperceptibly become someone the other person likes. Reinforcing these easy-to-learn skills is knowing how to read the other person’s sensory preferences-most of us are visual, some are kinaesthetic and a minority are auditory. So when you say “I see what you mean” to a visual person, you’re really speaking his language. Along the way the book covers attitude, nervousness, words that open a conversation and words that shut it down, compliments, eye cues, the magic of opposites attracting and more. It’s how to make the best of the most important 90 seconds in any relationship, business or personal.
About Nicholas Booth man
Nicholas Booth man is an English author and speaker based in Toronto. In 1982, Booth man founded Corporate Images, an advertising company. Later, he founded Persuasion Technology Group. After a 25-year career in fashion and advertising photography, Booth man switched careers and became a licensed practitioner of neurolinguistics programming,[4] a controversial technique that the National Academy of Sciences concluded is lacking in terms of a scientific basis. Booth man writes about human potential, persuasive communication and enhancing relationships.
How To Make People Like You In 90 seconds or Less By Nicholas Booth man
1 Chapter People Power How To Make People Like You In 90 seconds or Less
Connecting with other people brings infinite rewards . And weather its landing the job winning the promotion ginning the sale, charming a new partner electrifying your audience or passing inspection by the future in law if people like you.
The Benefits of Connecting
Our personal growth and evolution (and the evolution of societies) come about as a result of connecting with our fellow humans, whether as a band of young warriors setting out on a hunt or as a group of co-workers heading out to the local pizzeria after work on Friday. As a species, we are instinctively driven to come together and form groups of friends, associations and communities. Without them, we cannot exist. Connect and live longer
Why Likability Works
If people like you, they feel natural and comfortable around you. They will give you their attention and happily open up for you. Likability has something to do with how you look but a lot more to do with how you make people feel.
Short Summary How To Make People Like You In 90 seconds or less
“Stay open to opportunity — you never know where your next important connection will be made.”
The first things a new person will notice about you are your body, your eyes and the expression on your face, and it’s essential for all three of these elements to emit a feeling of openness. Your posture can be divided into two categories: open and closed. Open body language exposes your heart and body, signalling to others that you’re not only willing to communicate, but that you’re enthusiastic about it.
As a result, when two people begin a conversation with their hearts facing one another, a powerful connection forms and trust becomes more likely to solidify. On the other hand, closed body language protects the heart through gestures that express resistance, frustration, impatience and nervousness. Crossed arms are one of the most common instances of defensive body language, as crossed arms protect one’s heart and therefore one’s feelings. However, turning your body sideways relative to your conversation partner can also evoke a similar feeling. And body language isn’t just about, well, your body. It’s also about your face and its expressions, which can be open or closed as well.
For example, an open face smiles and makes eye contact, with a dynamic expression and raised eyebrows. On the other hand, a closed face is stern and avoids eye contact. So, if you want people to trust what you say, you need to be sure that your body is saying the same thing. In other words, what you say, how you say it and the signals your body sends while you say it all need to be aligned. If they’re not, the other person will feel the discomfort held in your body and both of you will feel unpleasant. Just think of a friend telling you that he’s fine while he looks away with crossed arms and a tapping foot. It’s not hard to tell that he certainly doesn’t seem fine.
People tend to hire and even date people that look like themselves, as well as those that make them feel comfortable and safe. This makes sense since we usually feel good in the company of people whose behaviour is in sync with, and influences, our own. In fact, even if you don’t realize it, you’ve been synchronizing yourself with other people since the day you were born. A baby’s body rhythm is synchronized with that of her mother, and, later in life, this tendency continues. For instance, an adult’s taste in clothes will often be influenced by that of his partner.
So, this synchronization is a major part of our lives and is especially important when it comes to building an immediate rapport. But what exactly is meant by synchronization in this context? Specifically, it refers to discreetly copying and subtly imitating the gestures of your conversation partner, as well as their body posture, facial expressions, breathing and voice. To do so, you can either match the person exactly or mirror them as if you were their reflection. Synchronizing with your conversation partner’s voice can be a particularly powerful tool, especially if they speak in a quiet voiceband you tend to be quite loud.
Naturally, your partner will feel more a tease speaking with someone who shares their same gentle tone. In 1970, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of the approach to communication known as Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP, realized that their clients were capable of filtering the world through one of three different senses: visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. Naturally, all people use a mix of these three senses, but one always dominates, and knowing which is prevalent in your conversation partner can greatly affect your rapport.
People who are predominantly visual care a lot about how things look. They generally tend to think in pictures, dress sharply and talk very fast. These people like to use expressions like “how do you see yourself? or “I see what you’re saying.” Auditory people love conversation, have fluid, melodic, expressive voices and enjoy words as well as sounds. As a result, they gravitate toward careers in broadcasting, teaching and the law. They tend to say things like, “sounds familiar”, “tell me more” and “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.” Finally, kinaesthetic-focused people like solid things that they can feel. They have lower voices, like textured clothing and tend to speak very slowly. Often, they’ll use expressions like “how do you feel about . . . ?” and “I’ll get in touch with her.” By matching your responses to a person’s dominant sense, you can make them like you more in 90 seconds or less. Endearing yourself to a new acquaintance begins from the moment you meet one another.
The way another person feels around you is key to making them like you, which makes it essential to adopt a genuinely open attitude and willingness to connect.
KEY POINT OF THE BOOK How To Make People Like You In 90 seconds or less
Remember, the “K” in “KFC” stands for “Know
what you want.” If you don’t know what you
want, there’s no message to deliver and no basis
for connecting with other people.
A Really Useful Attitude / A Really Useless Attitude
Your body doesn’t know how to lie. Unconsciously,
with no directions from you, it transmits your
thoughts and feelings in a language of its own to
the bodies of other people, and these bodies
understand the language perfectly. Any contradictions in the language can interrupt the development of rapport.
When you meet someone new, immediately point
your heart warmly at that person’s heart. There is
magic in this.
Make sure that your words, your tonality and your
gestures are all saying the same thing. Be on the
lookout for incongruity in others. Notice how it
makes you feel
Don’t try too hard! In a study conducted at
Princeton University, students of both sexes were
questioned about their methods of sizing up people they met for the first time. Over eagerness was
one of the most reported turnoffs. Don’t smile too
hard, don’t try to be too witty, don’t be overpolite
and avoid the temptation to be patronizing.
People hire people like themselves.
People buy from people like themselves.
People date people like themselves.
People lend money to people like themselves.
And so on—ad infinitum
Think of synchronizing as rowing your boat alongside another person’s rowboat, pointing it in the
same direction at the same speed and picking up
the other person’s pace, stroke, breathing pattern,
mood and point of view. As he rows, you row.
A simple formula for striking up a conversation:
Begin with a statement about the location or
occasion, then ask an open question.
